she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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