dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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