What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
