Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
