we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
