ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
