so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
