You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
