She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
