Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
