I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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