i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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