I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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