They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
