He asked to "fluff my boner.."
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
