Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
