For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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