at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
