Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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