My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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