Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
