if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
