Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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