theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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