so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
