Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
