She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
