you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
