i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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