Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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