have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
