So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
