my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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