omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
