just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
