I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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