Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
