Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
