I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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