When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
