I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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