I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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