the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
