just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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