..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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