out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
should my penis look like a turkey
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
