if i can run in heels then i can drive
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
