I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
