I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
