he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
